Filter oh filter where are you?

So I am going to try and post as close to once a day as possible to get in the habit again so here we go. Something that I have been thinking about a lot lately is my big mouth. I have a nasty habit of thinking something and then saying it without thinking about whether or not that was a thought that really needed to be shared with anyone else really. It is not that I have no filter, I have been able to keep my mouth shut when I have really wanted to say something, but I have a very teeny tiny filter apparently. When I am around my friends I am not that worried about the lack of filter because those who know me know about it and accept it (at least I think so). In my personal life the lack of a filter is problematic for me because though I like to think of myself as generally a nice person, I do occasionally have mean and judgmental thoughts. Now I know that no one is perfect and I am sure that everyone has mean and judgmental thoughts from time to time but most people are able to keep those thoughts tucked safely inside their head. I can and do but there are plenty of times in which I do not keep them to myself. This often flares up when someone has pissed me off. I usually regret what I have thought and (sometimes) said when I have cooled down and am thinking with a more rational mind. Now I am not so bad as to start in on the person that has pissed me off, rather I go and find a friend and vent (and thank you to all my friends who allow me to vent, it helps a lot). My friends are very indulgent with me (and patient) but my problem is that I often do not think about where I am having these conversations. Thankfully, I have not been so stupid as to vent to a friend when the subject of my venting is nearby but I have been close before.

I know that there is no one on this earth who has a burning desire to hear my every thought and even my friends have their limits. So my question is, how do I put a filter in place? It has gotten better over the years but I have struggled with this an awful lot. I have tried in the past and ended up getting quiet and not speaking much (yes, that has actually happened for those of you would not believe me). I have found over the years that I quite paradoxical at times. I am a very cautious person in some respects, i.e. making big changes in my life, allowing myself to trust another person, etc. but am incredibly impulsive in other areas of my life. I am trying hard to find a greater middle ground. I want to not play everything so safe all the time but also reign in my impulsive behavior too. I am hoping that knowing I have this issue will help me tackle the problem. I am definitely aware of a majority of my faults, I have often said that I do righteous indignation like no other. Thankfully, these thoughts and spouts of annoyance and anger are very short-lived and are likely a by-product of an incredibly busy and stressful lifestyle.

My research advisor once termed this issue "verbal diarrhea" which is quite apt. At least she was referring to when we have lab meeting or are talking about research. I definitely have no filter there. This works for me because sometimes I have really great ideas (if I say so myself) and I get those out there, at the same time though every stupid thought is out there as well. This is something that I think a lot about lately as I am approaching the next stage of my career. My current advisor is also very indulgent with me and does seem to appreciate it at times (though I suspect it is because she says that she has the same issue) but my next advisor may not find it so amusing, helpful, or acceptable. I need to find a nice middle ground here as well. So, maybe if I take to blogging more I can get all of the random thoughts in my head out there without forcing those around me to listen to me all the time :)

Suggestions?

Back again. Again.

So, I have been meaning to start writing again and I am hoping to keep this up. Only time will tell. So for those of you (my 2 readers) who don't know I moved about a month ago. Yes, I know. Again. I figured out that I have moved an average of once a year for the last 5 years. I have to say that I am getting really tired of moving. I will say that most of my moves have been initiated because of roommate changes. So, this time I am living alone. I think that as I get older I just need to have my own space. I have never lived alone and I must say I love it. I am so happy to finally have my own space and I love my new apartment. That said, I hate moving. It is such a pain in the ass. I am still trying to unpack and it is certainly slow going.

I am starting to hit panic mode with lab. I have quite a bit of research to do before the summer. I am trying really hard to finish up by May 2012. I feel like I am so close but still so far. I am a little scared at finishing up here and moving somewhere new, a new city and a new lab. The "real world" is rapidly approaching and it is a little daunting. I am excited too but I am also scared.

As far as the weight loss is going, I am still going. I have lost 39.4 lbs in 7.5 months. It is not a great record of loss but I need to remind myself that 40 lbs is a significant amount of weight. I have also never stuck with a plan like this for so long. I am feeling confident that I can keep moving forward and I am trying really hard to stay positive and stay motivated. Unfortunately it has been a very stressful couple of months and I have succumbed to stress eating. However, I have not used that as an excuse to completely give up. I continue to lose at least a little weight every week and I feel like soon I will ramp back up to tracking all the time and getting an exercise plan in place.

So, stay tuned.