Serious funk

So I did not make it to WW today but I did weigh myself on my scale and it read 274 which is 2 lbs up from the last time I weighed in at WW and at least a couple of pounds lower than what my scale read last week. That's something I guess. I started the Couch to 5K this week and wow I am seriously out of shape. I used to be able to do 3 miles when I was in high school and I would not say it was easy but I could do it without dying. I almost died on the last jog segment the first day I did it. I did notice that it has gotten easier. This is not to be confused with "easy" but definitely easier. I lasted a little bit longer each time. I am planning on doing C25K kind of slow because I do not want to push myself tooooo hard. Plus the 5K I want to run is in November so I have time. I am going to do each week 2 weeks in a row so I am making the 6 week program a 12 week program. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I could at least get through week 1! I can now jog a total of 8 minutes . . . as long as you space those minutes with some walking in between :)

I have been in a serious funk lately and it has been really hard to snap out of it. All the stuff with lab has really been hitting me kind of hard. The pressure and stress is also something that is quickly becoming more than I can handle. When I get super overwhelmed like that I tend to just shut down and that is what I have been doing this week. I am finding it really hard to get motivated. I have also been SUPER emotional lately, as in TV shows, movies, and even the trailer for My Sister's Keeper are making me cry. My birthday is tomorrow and I do not really feel like celebrating it this year. It has been a really hard year and I am trying to focus on the good things but it is hard. I keep feeling like I am failing and I keep feeling like I am letting everyone down on a bunch of different things. So, I heard this song today and it kind of epitomizes how I feel. It is "Not Your Year" by The Weepies

Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade
Tattered shoes outside your door, and clothes all on the floor
Your life feels like the morning after all year long.

And every day it starts again
You cannot say if you're happy
You keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe,
Maybe, this is not your year.
This is not your year.

Movies, TV screens reflect just what you expected
There's a world of shiny people somewhere else
Out there following their bliss
Living easy, getting kissed
While you wonder what else you're doing wrong

And every day it starts again
You cannot say if you're happy
You keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe,
Maybe, this is not your year.
This is not your year.

Breathe through it, write a list of desires
Make a toast, make a wish, slash some tires
Paint a heart repeating, beating, "Don't give up, don't give up."

Scattered shadows on a wall, you watch the long light fall
Some impressions stay and some will fade away

And every day it starts again
Someday you'll say that you're happy
So keep trying to be
Try harder, maybe,
Maybe, this is not your year.
This is not your year.

It's just not your year
This is not your year
This is not your year



Sorry for the downer post. Hopefully next week's will be a little more upbeat.