Learning to not be so hard on myself

So I haven't posted since I last weighed in. I was incredibly disappointed when I weighed in

Previous weight: 272
Current weight: 270.2
Difference: -1.8, total -3.2

I know that it is a loss and I should be glad but I exercised every day last week but one and there were 4 days I think that I went to the gym and did the elliptical for 30 minutes which gets me sweating in about 2 minutes flat. I actually tracked my points and I was baffled. Again, I know that it is a loss but it does start to make me worry about if it takes that kind of work to get 1.8 pounds off now what kind of work will I have to do when I continue to lose weight. I know it will only get harder. My roomie pointed out that it might be because I went to the gym and worked out a bunch that I did not see much of a change. The muscle weighs more than fat thing. I certainly hope that is the case because it is really hard to stay motivated to go work out everyday when you don't see much in the way of pounds dropped.

I will say though that the working out at the gym has been really useful for me in terms of stress management. I have been going later at night and it has been kind of nice to work through all the tension that builds up during the day. My schedule is really hectic this month and I am completely overwhelmed almost to the point of shutting down so I think that it helps. There are some days though (like the last couple of days) that it is really hard to muster the energy to go to the gym at night. It also does not help when I come home from lab at 10:30 at night. So, this week has not been as great. I did not work out on Sunday but I did a hell of a lot of cleaning (4 hours) so I think that counts as some exercise. I went to the gym Monday night but have not had any exercise over the last 2 days. I am going to a concert tonight so that is a wash but I do still have Friday so I can salvage at least 2 gym days.

I am trying to stay positive but it is becoming really hard. When everything else in my life starts to get hard this is the easiest thing to give up. It is soooo tempting to stop worrying about tracking points or making sure I am eating the right foods. It gets hard to find the time to cook food at home instead of getting something from the nearest drive through. I have been fighting the temptation and doing my best to stick to my goals. A friend is coming this weekend which usually means bad food, drinking and no exercise but I think that this time it will be different. We stocked up on good foods to eat and cook with and maybe I can talk her into exercising with me :)

I weigh in on Saturday so I guess we will see what happens with that. I think I am also going to check my measurements at that time. It would at least be another way for me to see if I am making any kind of progress. So hopefully another update on Saturday.

Small steps

So, I realize that I have not posted in a month. I have been trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I was not holding myself accountable and I was having a hard time motivating myself. I got REALLY busy and just kind of let everything go. I know that I need to make myself a priority. I decided that instead of trying to do weight watchers on my own that I would start going to meetings again. It really does help. I will be held accountable and there will be other people right there who will be seeing my weight and whether or not I lose. It also makes me feel extremely guilty when I do not lose and there are other people who drop a couple of pounds. I think it is what I need right now.

So I went on 10/4 and I weighed in at 273.4 lbs. I do not think that I actually gained back 6 pounds but that I do not have a very accurate scale at home or rather I might be biased when reading my weight. I do know that I gained back some weight but anyways, it doesn't really matter right now. That is the number that I am going with now. I weighed in last week at 272 lbs so I lost 1.4 lbs. It was ok. I did not track very well throughout the week and I really did not exercise. I guess I have to be happy with that number. At the meeting they announced who came back for their first weigh in and how much they lost and I was a little embarrassed by my number. I realize that I need to really commit myself to this.

So far this week I have been tracking all my food and I have been exercising as well. I am really glad that I am finally getting some exercise in and I just need to make this a regular thing now. I am hopeful that this next week will be much better. I also will post some recipes later this week that I have been enjoying. I made a chili with morningstar crumbles and a wonderful pumpkin pie that is only 3 points per slice. It is a nice dessert that is not too many points.

I have been having a really hard time getting started with changing my life. I picked a time to start this change when everything with grad school is getting crazy. So I am just going to take one day at a time and try not to be too hard on myself. My goal this week was to get some sort of activity every day. So far so good. My roomies and I did crazy amounts of shopping on Saturday and Sunday. There was a lot of walking involved. I also had to go into lab on Saturday and the procedure that I was doing required me to go between two chairs about 6 feet apart. It was like doing a bunch of lunges. I guess that is all part of the grad student workout :)
My roomie and I went to the gym on Monday night and I walked 2 miles this morning. I am planning on walking 2 miles tomorrow and Thursday. So hopefully I can keep up with this for the rest of the week and we will see what happens on Saturday. Fingers crossed!