Definitely Sick

So I definitely had a cold. Well, I still do. It really sucks. I have not been able to get much exercise because of it but I am hoping that the soreness in my body means it is using calories to fight the stupid thing :)

I have been having trouble tracking this week. I am someone who would lose her head if it was not attached and I find I am often putting my food journal down and then having trouble finding it. I am at least mentally keeping track as best I can. I have only lost the last couple of days but I am hopeful about finding it again today and trying to remember everything I ate in the last couple of days. That however, might be hard because I have to think real hard to remember what I did four days ago, much less what I ate. I cheated again and looked at the scale the other day. I just wanted to make sure I am headed in the right direction and I am. I lost weight. I am curious to see what it ends up being on Thursday morning.

This week I am going to try and get more exercise in to make up for my sick week. I am still sick but I am starting to feel better. I am hoping to play tennis with a friend and that usually wears me out. I know it is a good workout for her because I cannot seem to get the tennis ball within the bounds of the court to save my life. Apparently I think that the tennis racket is a baseball bat and I am trying to hit a home run. Well, at least my wrist thinks that. I did much better the last time we played and only knocked four tennis balls out of court I think. I am slowly improving and maybe in a couple of months I can keep the tennis ball within the lines like 50% of the time.

I encountered another obstacle this week (so many and it has only been two weeks). I have always known that I am an emotional eater and I notice it when I am sad or upset. I have never noticed that I eat when I am happy too. I had some good news this weekend about school and my grant proposal and my first urge was to eat. I would have thought that if I was happy I would eat less, that the food was to make up for whatever was making me sad. Apparently, it is just tied to any of my emotions. I think I feel as if I should be rewarded and I automatically decide to reward myself with food. Thankfully, I still had all of my flex points so I have not gone overboard but that was definitely unexpected. I will have to focus over the next couple of days to make sure I am getting in all of my servings of fruits and vegetables, water, and making sure that I stay within my points.

That leads me to another concern. I am really worried about when my points start going down. As I lose weight I lose points. I have a friend who has many fewer points than I do and I know that she struggles with that sometimes, staying within her points and still being able to eat the things she likes. I know that my stomach and appetite will shrink but I do worry about getting sick of the same foods and things like that. As I was mulling this over I was slightly horrified by my train of thought. I was thinking about how I would have to give up a lot of the foods I like to eat or rarely eat them. This thought really upset me. It is hard to fully experience that kind of an attachment to food. This is really hard. It is hard to think about giving certain things up. I know that it is making a choice and choosing me but it does not make it any less hard knowing that. I have lived my life a certain way for sooooo long and it is really hard to change that way of thinking. So, another thing to focus on. This is going to be a very long and hard journey. I think that is it for now.