Stalling

Well this last week did not quite go as I expected. It was a really bad week. My biggest hurdle is going to be finding a way to deal with my stress and bad days/weeks without turning to food. I did not go completely crazy but it was bad enough. I had a really bad week school and work wise and aside from the stress eating kept me busy and I did not get to plan my meals very well. So, I weighed in at 267 lbs. I did not gain but I did not lose. I also did not exercise. It was just a bad week all around. I really have to make more of an effort to plan my meals and take the time to take care of myself. I am really struggling right now because I am working a ton and I am under an immense amount of stress. I know though that I need to deal with this now because I will always be under an immense amount of stress. It kind of goes with the career that I have chosen for myself.

So this week, I am going to focus on planning my meals, tracking my points, and making sure that I take care of myself first and foremost. I am having trouble understanding why it is so hard for me to do that but it is. I am also going to think about feasible ways to deal with my stress that fit into my schedule. Hopefully next week will be better. I am at least playing tennis on Saturday with a friend so that is something. So, until next week . . .

Progress

Well, I have been very bad about updating things lately. It has been a really busy week. I am preparing for a major conference that I am going to in November and I am trying to get as much data as possible by then. I have been working really long days these last couple of weeks. That has lead to the problem of not exercising. I have not exercised since before I was sick. I am running around most of the day so I think that I am least not a big lump. I am trying really hard to get up earlier but I just don't have the energy after a really long day to get up early the next morning and work out. I am going to make it a goal again this week though. I think I will start out light and say my goal is going to be to exercise at least 3 days this week.

So, onto the progress. I did not post last week but when I weighed myself I was 273. That was 2.4 pounds that I lost that week. I am now using my non-electronic scale. I will not get pounds to the tenth but at least I know that it is a stable reading, and I can calibrate it with some free weights that I have. So, last week was some good weight loss but this week was great. I am not sure if I was retaining water or what because I was not exercising but I am now at 267 lbs. That is a loss of 6 lbs for this week! That means that since I have started this blog I have lost 11 lbs. Yay!! My pants are starting to be a little too big in places now. I am not down to the next pant size though so I am stuck in that awful purgatory of between sizes. I think clothes companies like to taunt us by making sizes go in every two sizes. I wear a size 26 pants and the next size down will be 24. But what if I am a 25? I will have to wear 26 until I can comfortably fit into 24 pants. Hopefully that will be in another month or so.

This is now the smallest I have been in probably 4 years. I was kind of keeping my weight constant until I moved to Dallas. I started earlier in the year trying to lose weight and when I weighed myself I was 289 lbs. That is the heaviest I have been. On a brighter side, I thought about it today and that means that this year (or at least since March) I have lost 22 lbs. I think that is pretty good. Well this has to be a short post because I have to study for an exam tomorrow. Next week I will post my measurements. I am not sure how much they have changed but even if it is just 1/2" that will be something. So, I will work on getting at least 30 minutes of exercise 3 days this week and as the craziness dies down here I will try to post more.

Definitely Sick

So I definitely had a cold. Well, I still do. It really sucks. I have not been able to get much exercise because of it but I am hoping that the soreness in my body means it is using calories to fight the stupid thing :)

I have been having trouble tracking this week. I am someone who would lose her head if it was not attached and I find I am often putting my food journal down and then having trouble finding it. I am at least mentally keeping track as best I can. I have only lost the last couple of days but I am hopeful about finding it again today and trying to remember everything I ate in the last couple of days. That however, might be hard because I have to think real hard to remember what I did four days ago, much less what I ate. I cheated again and looked at the scale the other day. I just wanted to make sure I am headed in the right direction and I am. I lost weight. I am curious to see what it ends up being on Thursday morning.

This week I am going to try and get more exercise in to make up for my sick week. I am still sick but I am starting to feel better. I am hoping to play tennis with a friend and that usually wears me out. I know it is a good workout for her because I cannot seem to get the tennis ball within the bounds of the court to save my life. Apparently I think that the tennis racket is a baseball bat and I am trying to hit a home run. Well, at least my wrist thinks that. I did much better the last time we played and only knocked four tennis balls out of court I think. I am slowly improving and maybe in a couple of months I can keep the tennis ball within the lines like 50% of the time.

I encountered another obstacle this week (so many and it has only been two weeks). I have always known that I am an emotional eater and I notice it when I am sad or upset. I have never noticed that I eat when I am happy too. I had some good news this weekend about school and my grant proposal and my first urge was to eat. I would have thought that if I was happy I would eat less, that the food was to make up for whatever was making me sad. Apparently, it is just tied to any of my emotions. I think I feel as if I should be rewarded and I automatically decide to reward myself with food. Thankfully, I still had all of my flex points so I have not gone overboard but that was definitely unexpected. I will have to focus over the next couple of days to make sure I am getting in all of my servings of fruits and vegetables, water, and making sure that I stay within my points.

That leads me to another concern. I am really worried about when my points start going down. As I lose weight I lose points. I have a friend who has many fewer points than I do and I know that she struggles with that sometimes, staying within her points and still being able to eat the things she likes. I know that my stomach and appetite will shrink but I do worry about getting sick of the same foods and things like that. As I was mulling this over I was slightly horrified by my train of thought. I was thinking about how I would have to give up a lot of the foods I like to eat or rarely eat them. This thought really upset me. It is hard to fully experience that kind of an attachment to food. This is really hard. It is hard to think about giving certain things up. I know that it is making a choice and choosing me but it does not make it any less hard knowing that. I have lived my life a certain way for sooooo long and it is really hard to change that way of thinking. So, another thing to focus on. This is going to be a very long and hard journey. I think that is it for now.