Updates and musings

So, I meant to post yesterday but we had a little excitement yesterday evening that prevented me from posting. I am about halfway through the first week and I think it is going pretty well so far. I had a happy hour to go to on Monday and I planned my day accordingly so that I would have enough points to have a beer. Of course I did end up having two and had to use some flex points. Thankfully I did plan ahead and I ate dinner at home so that I could manage what I was eating and was not stuck with "bar food" choices. However, I have eaten out at fast food restaurants a couple of days already but I think I at least made the best choice possible with the options that were available. I am also getting in all my fruits and veggies, water, vitamins, milk and the like each day so far. Exercising has been the real challenge. My roommate and I started walking in the morning. On Monday, we walked in our neighborhood for 30 minutes. I gotta say though, it is REALLY hard for me to get up early, and we are not even getting up that early. I think in order to make this work, I am really going to have to make a big effort to get to bed earlier. That is difficult though when I get back from school between 7 and 8 at night. I am going to have to get up early for class 2 days a week so I think that should help me get into a new sleep schedule. Oh, and the excitement last night was that our dog got out of the house so we spent about two hours walking and driving around looking for him. We got him back this morning and I guess I at least got my exercise in last night.

Now for some musings. I think the first week of starting to "diet" is both easy and hard. I say it is easy because the beginning is always the time when you are really committed to sticking with the goals and the diet plan. I always find that I track my food really well in the beginning and it becomes more inconsistent as the weeks go on (which is something I will have to watch out for). Right now I can remember all my reasons for starting this and this is the time I probably have the most momentum. The reason that it is hard is that I am now hungry more often. I am used to having really large meals when I eat and I do not usually snack too much between meals. I am trying to change that and eat smaller portions but more often throughout the day. However, I have problems with portion control so I need to make sure that I am not just eating more throughout the day. In the past, if I got hungry I could just eat whatever was available regardless of what it was. I think one way to solve this problem is to bring things into lab so that I can snack throughout the day. I have been having a hard time finding a lot of snack things that I like that I have room for in lab. I would prefer to bring in fresh fruit every day but our lab frig is only so big and I already have lunch stuff in there. I was not really prepared for this week and I am just going to have to make a bigger effort in the morning to make sure that I bring enough food with me for the entire day. The other problem is that during the day I have been having smaller meals and not snacking and I end up getting hungry more often, and more frequently. I think it is kind of a shock for my body and I know my stomach will adjust but it is that adjustment period that is hard. It has been really hard to stay away from the types of foods that I would usually eat.

An example was tonight. I was trying to just keep working and eat after I was done. The problem was that I got REALLY hungry. So, a few friends and I went to dinner and I chose Chili's because I knew there were a lot of good options with pretty low point values (their guiltless grill options are pretty great and well priced). However, I was really hungry and wanted an appetizer, something to hold me over until our food got there. One of the people I was with really wanted cheese fries and I figured I had some extra points left over from the day and if I only had a few it should be ok. I did stick with only a few. I think I had about 6 fries, just something to put in my stomach. The problem was that I really like cheese fries and I had to focus and concentrate on not reaching over and grabbing some more. It was really, really hard. It took a lot of willpower to sit there and not eat. I thought that it was kind of a horrible thing to experience, to realize just how much my normal habit, my normal action is to reach over and eat more. I realized that I am going to have to pay very close attention to myself so that I don't idly snack when food is in front of me. The other horrible experience was the intense urge to eat the cheese fries. I would reach for them and then pull my hand back. It is kind of embarrassing. I think that is going to be one of the hardest things to conquer and change. I did at least leave half of my black bean burger on the plate which is big for me. I have this unnatural need to finish everything on my plate. I know I am not the only one that has experienced that and this problem is the reason that restaurants will be difficult for me.

One of the things that should help with the whole finish everything on the plate is by slowing down. I eat really fast. Like crazy, ridiculous fast. I think that it mostly comes from having to eat on the go all the time such as eating in my car on the way from one job to another or trying to finish a meal on a 10 minute break because that would be the only break I would get that night. I now have the time to enjoy my meals, to slow down and eat but I still don't. The problem is that I don't realize how fast I am going until I am done and see just how much everyone else has left to eat. It is also how I get so full and almost sick later on. I am positive that if I eat slower that I will eat less but just like the intense urge to eat just a couple more cheese fries, I will have to really focus and concentrate and slowing down. My goal is match the pace of my friend Elissa. She says she is on the slower side of eating but I personally think that is the way to go. So that will be a measure of my success, when I eat at Elissa's pace :)

It is kind of strange to think of all the things that I am going to have to focus and concentrate on while eating. I am sort of worried that when I am pressed for time I will fall right back into my old ways. I guess I will just have to see how it goes and just take it day by day and week by week. The other problem I have encountered is that on my very first week, I have had a really bad week. I am a stress eater and an emotional eater. I know many people are and so many people will sympathize with my plight. I usually immediately turn to food for comfort. It is almost like a compulsion and sometimes something I do not realize until I am in the middle of eating something I shouldn't. I have done pretty well so far this week but it is going to be a battle every single time. I am a grad student and stress and blows to my emotional stability kind of come with the territory (I am only half joking). I need to find some other ways to deal with my stress, and realistic ways. I am still pressed for time usually and in a lab with multiple other people all day so things like meditation in the middle of my day is really not an ideal solution. That is just something that I will have to think on for a while.

My last musing in this very long post is that it is disappointing that the healthy option is usually the more expensive and less convenient option. I will concede that things like fast food places and restaurants do have many more healthy options than the last few times that I have tried this but it is still difficult. I am sometimes very limited in my choices of what I can have if I do need to eat out. Especially if I want to eat something other than a salad. It is usually a more expensive option as well. I think that is just cruel. As a grad student it is just not realistic to expect to be prepared at all times to never have to eat out, because it will happen. In fact, I think that it is not realistic for most people. Sometimes you are just too tired, just did not plan on staying so late at work, or are just too hungry. I am hoping that we keep getting more and more options and that they can start being on value menus because let's face it, I don't make very much and it is very tempting to get the cheaper but less nutritionally wise choice.

Well that is it for this post. Kinda long but I guess that is what happens when I don't post as often as I think I will. Anyone who knows me knows that I am very talkative so it should not be surprising that I write a whole bunch :)